Justify the Love

Work Rant

Sat, 09 Jun 2007 22:59:10 GMT

I’m really beginning to ask myself if it’s all worth it. I used to really love my job even though it was a shitty fast food joint it was fun to work, I had good friends, and the job wasn’t hard, ok yes granted it could be trying at times with customers but that was it, but things have seem to have taken a different turn lately.

I still have some very good friends, some that I couldn't imagine being with out, some people that I didn’t think I'd get to know well enough to become friends and I have so, I have to give the job that for its pro's

However the cons they..... Really are doing my head in, that’s all I can say. I’m meant to be learning how to be a supervisor at work which is probably where I should start off since that’s the area where I’m not very angry at cause I understand... Kinda. I'm also at uni at the moment so I understand that it taking me a lot longer to learn things because I’m not here half the time. but I was told that someone would be checking up on me to make sure I was learning however that just hasn’t happened and I realise that the guy is very busy but I'd be good if someone else was teaching me, but no one is, either they don’t have the time or they cant be arsed, so it kinda makes me feel "what is the point!" (You’ll hear that line a lot in this rant!)

So anyway what is the point of me training to be a supervisor, when;
1) No one is going to teach me anything new
2) No one really respects me as an authority since I’m hardly here anyways.
3) None of the supervisors/managers really bother backing me up apart from on the odd occasion (once again I understand that they are really busy with their own jobs that they need to control)

I want to become a supervisor, I think it would be good for my CV, and I do, do things, I've noticed a lot of people at work cutting corners, not cleaning up right, not serving right, not making food right, but since I'm only a "trainee" or what most people think "a staff member" no one gives a damn if I tell them they are doing something wrong. I keep getting told by one of the managers that is trying to help me out but he's so bogged down with the stuff he has to do he can't really train me properly, that I need to give respect to get respect, but I don’t think I've ever been disrespectful to anyone! Ok yes I shout a lot but I'm also chatting to people making sure they are ok.

I've also been told to stop doing things myself (not completely but the majority of the time) say I want something stocked up or cleaned I shouldn’t shout "why is no one cleaning____" and clean it myself I need to tell other people to clean things, but then get told to lead by example, which is confusing cause I don’t know when to lead by example and when to give out job, so I generally just do things myself, cause when I do give out jobs for people to do, like today I told someone that when they do the stock list that they are meant to stock up at the same time other wise they never know how much stock they need cause as soon as they get it someone else has stocked up and their stock list is all wrong, and all I got was a "yeah I do that later" which she never did, she went off on brake and someone else stocked up so the stock list was all wrong cause she'd already written it out. So "what’s the point" in handing out jobs when all I get is a "yeah I know!”

I honestly don’t understand the whole give respect to get respect thing, I don’t think I'm doing anything disrespectful, or lacking in respect, I’m never rude to people, I always try to have a conversations with people, it makes me sound like I’m totally distant from the staff, and I’m not they just don't care, I don’t know what else to do about it, I always say please and thank you, and could you do me a favour I really appreciate it and I do, I try to help the other staff members as much as I can, I don’t know what more I could do to give respect apart from stop shouting "why isn’t this done or that done etc" but then that’s not me doing my job that’s me being a staff member and doing everything myself!

But I don’t think there is any real respect left at work now, ok so there are a few groups that really respect each other but they don’t mix. There is this whole new thing at work which is just so stupid it’s unbelievable! Now no one is allowed to use anyone else’s till because people don’t trust anyone else to give out the right change, (or in other words nick things! Let’s face it that’s what people mean!) I got told off by a staff member about two weeks ago not to go into their till and give them change without them knowing about it, I understand where they are coming from yes they have had to pay money back to the company from their wage because their till has been more than £5 down, ok yes that’s bad, but its their own fault, they are obviously not giving the right change out.

I’ve been on till for about a year now and never once have I had to pay out because my tills been down! Maybe I’m lucky there have been the odd occasion when I’ve given the wrong change, but its usually I’ve given to little money out, so the customer complains, and there has been about 3 times where I’ve not charged people and they have all be good honest people and told me about it, but other than that I always realise if something doesn’t look right or if I forget something. It’s just not that hard. But even if someone had gone on my till while I was on brake and given too much change to a dishonest person its never that much change! And I trust the people at work, I don’t think anyone would purposely give out the wrong change, or if they messed up they’d be help me out and pay half, but this whole thing about not using someone else’s till when the person is on brake, or not going into someone’s till to give them more change is ridiculous! Not only does it mean that at least one till is not making money when someone goes on break but who gives a damn, oh what hard luck you have to pay back £10 it was probably their fault anyway! It’s more likely that they messed up 10 orders than someone jumping on their till cause they spend more time on that till.

I really think it’s laughable, but it just goes to show how little trust and respect there is left in this place. Maybe I’m jaded by the past, maybe I am too simple minded to really understand there are a lot of things I just don’t get either because I think you deal with what you go and if it means paying a little bit of money because you may or may not have messed up you do it, or because I don’t care enough about money and that sort of thing I don’t know but I just think it’s a joke.

So yeah back on track, I’m not really learning anything new, I’m currently cashing, which means I get the crappest shift, 11 till 7ish, which means I get all the busy hours on till where all I can do is serve, which doesn’t leave time to learn anything else, and I’ve been told that people who go on that shift don’t really go anywhere cause the get stuck cashing cause they can’t move on as they aren’t qualified to open, but they cant learn cause they are cashing, and they aren’t qualified to close which they can’t learn cause they have to learn to open before they do that, and they can’t learn though out the day other things like how machines work how to fix things cause they are stuck serving or cashing, but I fell that I’m not doing so badly on learning how things work, cause I can manage my time quite well between orders so if ever anything needs fixing I’m there learning as much as I can, but it does depends on if there is a cue.

One thing has really pissed me off about cashing too, its only happened once, but I can see it happening again, there is someone at work who doesn’t like me and the feeling is mutual but they are more senior than I am, I do make an effort to be polite and civilised and so does this person however things do tend to slip but we do try, and I have to give them that, I have seem them try and I do appreciate it, however once during cashing they refused to be my witness, I’ve heard they do it with other people as well so I’m not going to put it down to the fact they don’t like me but cause they’re a lazy arse. But I’ve been told its quite serious to refuse to be a witness for someone when cashing can result in a warning, I don’t really want to put it forwards to higher management cause I don’t want to create any more tension but I can see it happening again especially since they’ve done it with other people.

Also this person doesn’t really give me any respect on the shop floor, in front other staff members, I got shouted at because I didn’t cover someone’s break that I was stood in kitchen but considering no one told me this other person needed a break, and there was no one in kitchen at the time I feel totally justified that I should have been in kitchen, but I wouldn’t have minded if it had been a stressed out “can you cover… Please!” but that wasn’t anything near what I got, all I got was this screech from the office making out that I was directly disobeying her, however if I’d known I would have called someone from what they were doing into kitchen and gone straight onto till to cover this other person but I didn’t know, and screaming at me putting me down in front of everyone else is disrespectful and uncalled for. At the time I was totally court off guard, and didn’t make a fuss, although I am not really the kind of person who likes confrontation, and I would never shout back asking for respect BUT I SHOULD DO!

However this corresponds to my 3rd point about what’s the point, there were managers and supervisors at the time that saw this, and not one of them stuck up for me. Telling this other person that I didn’t realise someone else’s break needed covering, but every time I do something wrong and another staff member gets blamed for it I almost instantly claim my responsibility for it! Or if someone gets shouted at for not doing something I instantly say why they didn’t if they had a valid reason that I was aware of.

I am aware that I should stick up for myself however much I hate confrontation, I should pull this person into the office and tell them that I want respect even if they don’t like me but I don’t want it to seem like I'm picking on this person because I know they hate me. Even though I can plainly see that that is why they aren’t giving me respect, even if the aforementioned was a mistake and they didn’t know I was unaware this person’s break needed covering there are other things. For example how it works on front counter is you get the order from the customer you tell kitchen what food they need to make or what food you are taking that they have already made and the kitchen says “thank you” (its always thank you because its polite and the customers need to see as polite and friendly so they come back) and take the food and give it to the customers.

HOWEVER!!! Thank you seems to have become a secret word at work! People say it under their breath or not at all communication is at an all time low between front counter and kitchen, and it’s a busy place, its loud, its hot, tempers flare yes all understandable, but when someone doesn’t respond to you when they should because they don’t like you defeats the object and it confuses things.

At the moment I don’t know if this person has heard my order and is making it and is in a pissy mood with me or they haven’t heard it and are not going to make my order, but I cant say anything apart from “can I get a thank you please” every time I call my orders, and when I do say that I get a bitchy response which isn’t going with the whole polite and friendly appearance. Its not difficult to say thank you loudly, although I have to say its not just this person, it’s a lot of the kitchen staff they just don’t give a damn they make what they want when they hear it, which is why it takes so long to get anything because they aren’t saying thank you or they aren’t listening and front counter staff don’t care enough to back up and ask for a response and the ones that do for example me get classed as moody and bitchy case we get annoyed about it.

But like I said before, this person has tried; when we are one on one in a non work situation they are polite enough I just wish it would transfer over to work related things. And it’s not just this person other people are doing similar things just not as often and not as vocally!

I should really make a stand tell them I want to hear please and thank you coming from kitchen however I feel that I'm not going to get any kind of back up, almost all the supervisors and managers talk over me, I think its only Junnel who is a total star is the only one who lets me make decisions all the other managers don’t trust me enough to make sure thinks are running ok, for example I’ll give out a few jobs which I hate doing anyway but I’ll do it and someone will walk onto the front counter and tell people to do other things which totally undermines everything I’ve just done, which leads me to square one.

I never get included when it comes to manger talk, for example who needs break, or which person could learn something new (which we totally have time for! But no one is arsed about I could get so many people on till to learn things but no one cares, people on front counter can go into kitchen learn what its like for kitchen staff to be barked at cause kitchen isn’t a walk in the park either) and ok so yeah I don’t need to be included in manager talk, there is a lot of stuff they talk about which is way over my head and station but simple things that I can help with like breaks they just do it’s not even a second though that I have an opinion on the matter they don’t even consider me and how am I meant to learn things like how to send people on breaks at the right time, if I'm not involved. Once again it’s not given the opportunity to learn something new which will help me become a supervisor.

But at the end of the day I need this job, I’m at uni, I need money my entire loan goes on tuition fees and rent so I need money to live off, and no other job will let me come back every holiday just to go away again for a few months, and I do like my job I don’t want to leave the friends I have there. So as far as I can see I have a few options.

1) not care about becoming a supervisor tell them I don’t want to become one and just do my job and never get any higher.
2) Continue as I am bitching at people and nothing getting done about it apart from me getting more and more stressed about it all and getting more and more pissed off pushing what friends I do have away because I need some way of calming down.
3) Bitch to the highest person I can go to and hope that something will happen which is very unlikely!

All in all I really need to learn to stick up for myself when it comes to people putting me down, and getting myself involved in things people don’t include me in (which is awkward) I don’t want to make a scene cause I know I’ll fuck it up and stutter or lose my train of though (well I’d love to make a scene at work but get it right as well!) but I need to stick up for myself more and clam down, nothing will get done if I shout at people and if someone shouts at me I need to be able to tell them in calm tone not to and all they needed to do is ask me politely, but when it comes to learning things or having back up fuck all I can really do about that.

We’ll have to see how next week goes, but I'm defiantly going to try and stick up for myself more and clam down at work.

New Layout.

Wed, 16 May 2007 15:40:37 GMT

I've been really slack lately I've got so much work to do right now and i so can't be arsed doing it :(, I gotta update all my fanlistings, making new layouts for all 20 of them, gotta build a website for my mum's school which I have no idea where to start cause no one has told me anything, also and more importantly got two modules to finish for uni, one is due in for firday and one is due in for august so not so bad, I wanna get on with Elucidation but i feel I've lost it when it comes to photoshop i've not used it a while and everything I've tried making looks crap.

I wanna make a blog on my domain but dont know cause I got this place but I dont know kinda want one on my domain, also wanna create a Portfolio on my domain. been looking at loads online and they all look amazing. so wanna do that but cant really start it till i get home at the weekend but also gonna be starting work soon mmm gonna have to organise my time gonna have to get a rutine done cuase I wanna lose weight too my friend wants me to go to thia boxing which I've done before and I did enjoy it. I really need to organise myself this summer. got so much to do

Anyway wanted to update this place and say that I've got a new layout for live journal, I know its not one of the things that i had on my todo list but i'm avoiding uni work so this is what i usually do. I got the layout from Interlinea I made the banner myself from a pic of 300

34 questions.

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 00:00:31 GMT

34 about you... please answer, it'll give me something to read and keep my mind off studying!

1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal?
11. What is your favorite sport?
12. Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you.
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the Macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my partner in crime or my conscience?
22. What color eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Bottle or Draft?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
27. What's your favorite bar to hang at?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. In one word, how would you describe me?
34. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

cool quiz!

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 18:55:28 GMT

You'll die from a Heart Attack during Sex.

Your a lover not a fighter but sadly, in the act of making love your heart will stop. But what a way to go.

'How will you die?' at QuizGalaxy.com

must be some very good love making ;)

Elucidation has moved

Fri, 16 Feb 2007 23:58:38 GMT

UGH you wont beleive how lazy I am. I wanna tell you all that Elucidation has finally moved and is open for people to look at it. but im currently trying to e-mail all my affiliates, but only got seven e-mails, and not everyone has their e-mail on their site so I've contacted a few and got a few e-mails saved. (im so unorganised bad dee bad!) but yes to everyone out there who is an affiliate of Elucidation its finally open and you can get to it here at

ELUCIDATION-ART.COM

for those of you affiliates I've contacted ignore this, and for those of you who I haven't i'll e-mail you tomorrow just being lazy ;) but im gonna have to save everyone's e-mail at some point and this is as good a time as any. :D

I hope you all like the new layout. :D

elucidaiton-art.com

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 18:48:38 GMT

Elucidation is in the process of moving. I know I haven't been online lately, but I'm gonna be getting online more now that I'm back at uni, and doing elucidation and moving to a new server which means I'll have a full gig to play with w00t I've already baught it and just in the process of loading things w00t

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 17:07:27 GMT

Year in review: list the first sentence of your first entry of every month... snatched this from bre

January: I've been away from the computer for too long,
February: hehe, I got bored with my icons so I decided to do a bunch of new ones.
March: omg some random guy just phoned me on the uni phone.
April: I've been trying to do differnt things with ps.
May: This is one of those myspace meme things ...
June: didn't post anything
July: didn't post anything
August: ugh I don't know why im posting this, I do, I wanna get it off my chest.
September: I thought I might as well post an update on the whole melodramatic should I say anything or keep my mouth shut post I put up before.
October: Eeh. this is getting hard.
November: I am majorly up the creek without a paddle!!!
December: Its been a long time since I've done any art, I'll like put up some of the battle work I did a couple of months ago...

fan art.

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 19:48:19 GMT

Its been a long time since I've done any art, I'll like put up some of the battle work I did a couple of months ago... if I didnt already do it?? I dont think I did. but anyway Im gonna make these into icons more work when I should be doing uni work.

Title: Speachless
Size: 1024x768
Images: Screencap Paradise
Gradients: Elucidation, Ugly Buisness.

Title: A shot in the Dark
Size: 1024x768
Images: Screencap Paradise
Gradients: Elucidation, Ugly Buisness.

so screwed!!

Sat, 25 Nov 2006 15:56:10 GMT

I am majorly up the creek without a paddle!!! I've done fuck all this term at uni, and I mean nothing, and just found out yesterday that I have another module to do by christmas 2 weeks away that I didn't even know about!!! Just so lazy, cant get my ass into gear, its so stupid though. why give us project knowing full well that we have just come off summer, Im not the only one who's done nothing it just goes to show that they managed the work really baddly. on top of it we are like the test subjects for this course as well. its not been done before so if they fuck up we cant do anything and neither can they, the tutors even told us they don't know how to teach us, none of it is a preapproved work. its all them just making stuff up and marking it.

ugh and I miss my site. cant do anything on it till I move servers!! but Im gonna do that after chrismas that way I wont be working on it while I'm doing my homework. fingers crossed I get it all done.

I've missed playing with livejournal, been on myspace so much :S but they have awesome surverys that I was gonna put on here but cba lol maybe later lol. so you can see how easily I am distracted lol. hense not on msn at all!!!

cant beleive how much of a hole Im in!!!

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 14:22:16 GMT

Whoo Im back!!! I've been offline for a little while, well about two weeks, but it feels like longer but I'm back at uni now and have the internet sorted out so i'll be online loads more whooooooo

MEME

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 15:58:21 GMT

nymphamadria tagged me and I didn't even see. But it's all good. I gots it now :P

TRUE/FALSE MEME

Rules: If you´re tagged you must list 6 random facts about yourself - 3 true 3 false, so people can guess which are which. Then tag 6 people to do this meme.

1. I'm like so blonde.
2. I have no time to get online any more and I hate it.
3. I'm a Virgo and my birthday is coming up soon.
4. I'm a Druggy Brummy
5. I really miss being at Uni.
6. I wear contacts.

Tagging: raths_kitten berend89 bre2004 digital_med uglybusiness slaycandy

Cropping Practice.

Sun, 14 May 2006 23:50:11 GMT

lately my cropping been Crappy so I thought I'd put some practice in and well I got about 60+ icons here all buffy and angel just croped, so no words, so they look like blanks but they arnt they are not to be edited they are just finished icons so dont take them and edit them. And as I've said its practice so I didnt really make them to be taken but if you want to I'd love you to have them. also the first lot are from a peice of art i've just completed which i'll put up in a bit.

Teasers:
05. 26. 48.

01. 02. 03.
04. 05. 06.
07. 08. 09.
10. 11. 12.
13. 14. 15.
16. 17. 18.
19. 20. 21.
22. 23. 24.
25. 26. 27.
28. 29. 30.
31. 32. 33.
34. 35. 36.
37. 38. 39.
40. 41. 42.
43. 44. 45.
46. 47. 48.
49. 50. 51.
52. 53. 54.
55. 56. 57.
58. 59. 60.
61. 62. 63.
64. 65. 66.
37.

Sun, 14 May 2006 16:16:55 GMT

I know i said I wouldnt do any more Icons but i've been scouting around and saw how beautiful the icons on My kind of Crack were like especially Mistress Tinks so i got jealous and gave it a shot mine arnt as good infact some are quite crap but here they are anyway.

Teasers.

6. 21. 33.

N.B Dont Edit the Blanks.

01. 02. 03.
04. 05. 06.
07. 08. 09.
10. 11. 12.
13. 14. 15.
16. 17. 18.
19. 20. 21.
22. 23. 24.
25. 26. 27.
28. 29. 30.
31. 32. 33.
34. 35.

Fluffy Personal Update

Tue, 09 May 2006 13:39:17 GMT

- I've been really BLAH lately, I've done nothing and it sucks ass!
- I have no classes left at Uni yet I have to stay here,
- Plus I kinda wanna
- I need to update Elucidation becuase I've been Neglecting it.
- I think im alergic to clearasil cuase I didnt have many spots before I used it yesterday morning and now Im covered in spots :( * Cries Obesseivly*
- I wanna do art but I dont know what to do.
- I love Brused Candy!!! she gave me a paid account.
- I gonna take a load of icons from other people becuase im giving up on making them I've tried but I suck
- I GOT A NEW LAPTOP! I say new I've never had one before so ... I GOT A LAPTOP!!!
- I was playing the sims all day yesterday lol I got my Angel sim back and My dee sim ;)
- Its really nice and sunny out but I got no nice cloths to wear out
- I wish I could just go out in a vest top but im too embarrsed
- I need to loose weight :(
- Ok Updating Elucidation no!

Ok Own Up Own Up!!!

Sat, 06 May 2006 18:54:23 GMT

Which one you did it... huh? which one of you amazing, generous, and Lovely people baught me LJ??? come on own up so I can thank you in person???

ETA:::::
bruised_candybruised_candybruised_candybruised_candy

Thank you so much!!!! I really really appreciate it. sorry I didnt see that comment you put on my last thing till now... so THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!

Mon, 01 May 2006 19:39:33 GMT

This is one of those myspace meme things that you get on the bullitin things all the thime they are really cute, so try it out, or should i tag people??? I dont know I got this off of one of my lj friends ljolie

General

[ ] I am shorter than 5'4".
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.
[x] I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance
[ ] I have/I've had braces.
[x] I wear glasses.
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[ ] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[ ] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life

[ ] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.

School/Work

[x] I'm in school.
[x] I have a job.
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[x] I almost always do my homework.
[x] I've missed a week or more of school.
[ ] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[x] I've stolen something from my job.
[ ] I've been fired.

Embarrassment

[ ] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something.
[x] I've had my pants rip in public...

Health

[x] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[x]I've gotten stitches/staples.
[x] I've broken a bone.
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[ ] I've sat in a doctors office/emergency room with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[x] I had a serious surgery.
[ ] I've had chicken pox.

Traveling

[ ] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I've been on a plane.
[ ] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[x] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.

Experiences

[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[x] I've seen a shooting star.
[x] I've wished on a shooting star.
[x] I've seen a meteor shower.
[ ] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[ ] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[x] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[x] I've crashed a car.
[x] I've been skiing.
[x] I've been in a play.
[x] I've met someone in person from myspace.
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern lights.
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[x] I've played chicken.
[ ] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[x] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I've eaten sushi.
[x] I've been snowboarding.

Relationships

[x] I'm single.
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[x] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[ ] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[ ] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[ ] I've kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality

[x] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[x] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[x] I have kissed a stranger.

Honesty/Crime

[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[ ] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[x] I've witnessed a crime.
[ ] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.

Drugs/Alcohol

[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[x] I regularly drink.
[x] I've passed out from drinking.
[ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[ ] I've smoked weed
[ ] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[ ] I've eaten shrooms.
[ ] I've popped E.
[ ] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[ ] I've done hard drugs.
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[x] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[x] I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[ ] I'm addicted to self harm.
[x] I've woken up crying.

Death and Suicide
[ ] I'm afraid of dying.
[ ] I hate funerals.
[ ] I've seen someone dying.
[x] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[x] I've planned my own suicide.
[x] I've attempted suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism

[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[x] I collect comic books.
[ ] I own something from The Gap.
[ ] I own something I got on e-bay.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.

Random

[ ] I can sing well.
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[x] I watch the news.
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[ ] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[x] I curse regularly.
[ ] I sing in the shower.
[ ] I am a morning person.
[x] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[ ] I'm a snob about grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[x] I twirl my hair.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[x] I love being neat.
[ ] I love Spam.
[x] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day.
[x] I bake well.
[x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.
[ ] I've worn pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[ ] I know how to shoot a gun.
[ ] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS...
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[x] I eat fast food weekly.
[ ] I believe in ghosts.
[ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[ ] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[x] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[ ] I love white chocolate.
[ ] I bite my nails.
[x] I play video games.
[ ] I'm good at remembering faces.
[ ] I'm good at remembering names.
[ ] I'm good at remembering dates.
[x] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
[x] all of those are answered honestly

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 22:28:27 GMT

I have a brand new layout at elucidation, I am so happy with it, it looks so moden and pretty 'even if I do say so myself' hehe, here is the wallpaper I created into the layout. it's taken me 2 hours to do the wallpaper and another hour and a bit to make the layout, which is really suprising since all I changed were the pictures and colours from the last one all the positioning is exactly the same oh well. I hope you like.

Images: Pretty as a Picture
Textures: Hybrid Genises Members

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 15:36:07 GMT

Im thinking about making a new layout for Elucidation but Im not sure what to do it on??? I wanna make one of those dark cream and red layouts, they are always really artistic looking, but I guess I'll have to think about it. And I think its gonna be another bangel one.

I also have another peice of art for a challenge for Buffy world forums, its for one called Its the thought that counts, and its all about when Angel gives buffy the book of poetry. Im actually really happy with this one becuase I only used regular photoshop filters and gradients to make it which is cool. although Im not keen on the quality of the images.

images: sp
Gradients: mine and Zugma's

Out with the old and in with the New

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 22:17:55 GMT

There is this really good challenge at Buffy world fourms, where you find an old peice of art and then redo it to make it look brand spanking new and cute, well I've been telling myself for so long to redo loads of peices of art so this has really been a good challenge for me three new peices in 2 days new record for me I think hehe.

Original
1.Original: Made sometime between 1998 and 2001
Images: form my computer
Brushes: tare or touchstone

2. Remake: Made 25th April 2006
Images: AOU Gallery Pretty as a Picture
Brushes: scooly
Gradients: Mine and Ugly Buisness

Original

1.Original: Made sometime in 2004
Images: SP
Brushes: none

2. Remake: Made 26th April 2006
Images: SP
Brushes: none
Gradients: Mine and Ugly Buisness
Words: Garbage, Im Only happy When It Rains

Original | Attempt

1. Origninal: made in 1999 or 2001 (709x441)
Images: Romance on BTVS
Brushes: AVH

2. Attempt: made in 2005 origianlly a layout (667x396)
Images: Screencap Paradise
Gradients: Photoshop Default
Texture: The Blooming Effect

3. Remake made 26th of April 2006 (1024x768)
Images: Screencap Paradise
Gradients: Zugma
Brushes: Lacrimae
words: 3 Doors Down, Im going down in flames.

Back.

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 14:53:55 GMT

Ok im back from my holidays, holidays being two weeks back at home with the parents, it was good, got to go back to work, for one week which was great, I really missed my work mates, but I was also given the chance to relax at the first week. Im kinda blah at the moment, I dont really know what to do, I attempted some art but it didnt really turn out the way I wanted it to?

OOO guess what I got an XBOX and the Very First xbox only Buffy game whooooo!!!!!!! im up to the spiders bit. anyone who's played it and let me tell you I'm so freaked by spiders, even the little ones so the big fat arsed spiders that jump on buffy's face aint really helping my phobia.

I really wanna make some icons but i have no insparation, and I just feel what ever I make turns out crappy, not like the amazing ones i keep seeing??? so yeah lending to the whole blahness of my day.

Im just avoiding the fact that I have to call the housing company that Im moving with next year becuase I havent got any where to live next year but I dont wanna deal with it, I dont really have any money for the deposit and my rent this year??? ugh its so blah!!!

and Im hateing the fact I ran out of money on my paypal, I only have a fiver left in there and I cant add to it till I pay off the deposit for next year :( so that means free LJ account till then :(

Fells To Lights Throughout time

Sun, 02 Apr 2006 14:38:07 GMT

I've been trying to do differnt things with ps, other than the same old blend wallpaper and Im really glad how this turned out. its inspired by Zugma, she has some art that has Harry potter in the middle of two styles of land, I wanted to try that but with Angel and his life, begining and... well kinda end the end of the series or Begining and present. I just liked the fact that the harry potter one had two sides to harry potter, and Angel definately had two sides lol

Fells to lights 1024x768
Textures: Ugly Business
Inspired by Ugly Business
Text: Me
Font: Century Gothic
Stock: SXC & Hebus
Gradents: Me
HQ Scan: AUO

Manips inspired by Peace

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 20:34:45 GMT

At Buffy World forums there are these amazing fanartist that can manip a scene literally off the top of their heads, and its fantastic, they can put buffy characters into any situation they think of and they always look so fantastic?? I've always wanted to give it ago and although I've maniped before I've never been any good with scenes but I gave it ago and here it is

Images: stock.xchng, Getty Images, AUO Gallery
Gradents: Mine
Text: mine
Inspired by: Peace

it kinda looks more like dawn than buffy but I assure you its buffy, its the picture from the outakes of Graduation when SMG and David are doing the bite scene.

Superfine Entry

Fri, 24 Mar 2006 21:45:07 GMT

hehe this one is for SayJay more than anything because I've been feeling guilty becuase I've done so much buffy and angel Art that I've been neglecting VM art and if I joined up I might as well make art on it lol

Images: AUO & Neptune High
Textures: Hybrid Genisis
Gradients: Mine
Brushes: lacrimae-spiritus
words: Natalia Imbrulia

Fri, 24 Mar 2006 18:39:36 GMT

Three wallpapers, well two and one long thing. all of them are for challenges at the Buffy World Forum the first one is for (making a drinking game) the rules are you have to take a drink everytime Giles nags or corrects the americans. second one is for there's a Fine Line, its about two emotions in one scene. and the third one is my personal fav its for the popart challenge that the Jake Vector was for

Images: Screencap Paradise
Gradients: my own
Textures: None
Words: Inspired by old "Join the Police" Advert.

Images: AUO Gallery & Getty Images
Gradients: Zugma
Textures: Me

size: 2524x1068
Images: AUO
Colour Scheme: Blue and Green
Vector Myself
Texture & Splatter Brush: Hybrid Genisie
Inspired By: Several Vectors on Devient Art.

Pimp Your Community.

Sun, 19 Mar 2006 22:39:34 GMT

just a short post today, I've been up all night doing that vector in my last post, had a little nap during the day and its not half ten and Im so tired and I still have Uni work to finish for tomorrow.

so small post pimping some fantastic communities, so please cheak them out.

1. Yes, We're Wallflowers: A buffy and Angel wallpaper challenge site, a Live Journal community for the website Wallflowers

wf_challenges wf_challenges wf_challenges wf_challenges
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wf_challenges wf_challenges wf_challenges wf_challenges
wf_challenges wf_challenges wf_challenges wf_challenges
wf_challenges wf_challenges wf_challenges wf_challenges

2. Veronica Mars Wallpapers: A Veronica Mars wallpaper challenge site A Live Journal community for the website Superfine

vmars_walls vmars_walls vmars_walls vmars_walls
vmars_walls vmars_walls vmars_walls vmars_walls
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